Death.

Have you ever think about your own death?

Have you ever think where will you go after you're dead?

Have you ever think, what will remain after you're gone?

What will you say, in the last minute before the angel of death picks you up?

Nothing will stay after you're dead, your flesh will be gone eaten by maggots, your bones will slowly turn into ashes.

I've wondering what will I say when I'm going to death, the moment death will come to me I will say "God help me!".

The moment when you suddenly slipped and is going to hit the floor, sometimes there will be pictures like a film about important moments to you appears in your mind.  At the times when you think that you're going to die, and that's what I've said when I suddenly slipped when walking downstairs at my home.

Why I will say "God help me!"?  Because I think that I haven't done anything meaningful for me or people around me.  And of course I haven't know what kind of place I will be if I'm dead, will I be nothing after I'm dead?  Just..perished?

One of my lecturer used to tell us that everyone knows when they're going to face their death.  We knows when the angel of death is preparing to pick us up.  And it can be seen through few stages.

the first is DENIAL, 'penyangkalan'.

No one will be thankful that they're going to die.  Normal people won't be happy if they feel that they're going to die.  The thought of death is something scary and they will try not to think about it because it's scary.  We're all afraid of death because we don't know what will happen to us after we're dead.  Although some religions tell us that we're going to heaven or hell, still... We will experience this fear of death although it will be in different levels each person.

For example, A has cancer and the doctor tell A that he has no hope, they'll act like they're fine, like they're healthy and hoping that the death won't come to them.

the second is ANGER, WRATH, 'marah'.

From the first stage they deny that they're going to die, but no one can't stop the death.  And because they can't stop it, they feel angry to themselves or tries to provoke conflict from people around them by getting angry and blaming all the people around them.  My lecturer told us that in this stage, that people need more love and patience from the people around them so their anger will be gone and they can go to the next stage. If not, they'll keep blaming themselves or people around them and they'll meet their death while still being angry and of course everyone wants to die peacefully right?

the third is BARGAINING, 'tawar-menawar'.

After being denial that death will meet them soon, the angel of death still keep coming.  They try to blame themselves or people around them, but the angel of death keep on its pace walking toward them.  They become frustated and helpless like a baby who can't do anything.  They know they can't do anything to stop the death, that's why they will try to persuade the death to come next time, not now, don't know when the next time but not now, not today, not this week or not this month.  They try to exchange what they have so the death won't come soon.

For example, A promised that he will use his life well.  He will utilize his life to serve God, or maybe to do good things for the others by using his time, his money, etc.  At this time A tend to look for God, he will try to be closer to God because he knows that he has no power to stop death therefore he will look for someone who has power, and most of people believe that God is able.

the fourth is DEPRESSION, 'depresi'.

A had denied that he's going to die, the death still come closer.

A had blamed himself and people around him, the death still walking towards him.

A had tried to exchange everything he has so the death will come later, the death is closer to him now.

Depression, it comes when someone believe that he/she can't do anything anymore.  After doing everything they can and the death still will pick them up, they have nothing to do.  All their bitterness, their anger, had shed in the second stage.  They have nothing to do, feeling helpless, they will become more calm and will retire themselves from their daily activity and their hobbies.  They prefer to spend their times sleeping in silence and do nothing like a new born baby who spend most of its time to sleep and preparing for their new life, people who is going to die tend to sleep, dwell in serenity to prepare themselves to face the death.

the fifth and the last stage is RESIGNATION, SUBMISSION, 'pasrah'.

People who experience this stage will feel at ease, they don't have burden anymore and feeling happy.  And... they're ready to face their death.

From those stages, I thought that what we have from the very beginning until now is our practice to face our own death.  Selfish people won't be able to accept the fact that they're going to die someday.  Why?  Because they will try to get all the things in this world, without realizing that their own life is something they have to use well, it's the real precious things we have.  And our life is the only thing we will have to give up someday.  Our life has been with us from the very beginning until now, it has been part of us of course.  That's why learn to share, to give, to sacrifice.  Sacrificing mean we give something important to us, something precious to us for the others.  It can be our money, our time, or everything that's precious for us.  And of course we will feel more empty after sacrificing something.  But I think that much less we had, our fears will diminish.  Why?

Imagine a rich people, he will be more afraid and worried that there can be robber who will take his wealth or maybe take his life away.  Everytime he wants to help people or there's someone asking for his help, he will be more cautious, more alert, afraid that someone who needs his help has certain intention and will be able to hurt him.  His life (not all of the rich people of course) will be more burdensome because of those thoughts if he's selfish and doesn't want to share with others.

But imagine a simple people or unselfish people, they will help people as they can without worries that something will be taken away because he has nothing.  This is a practice for us to let go everything that's important to us, before in the end..  we have to give our life up.  And I hope we're all can face our death in peace, because we've utilized our life well.  Being simple or unselfish it doesn't mean that we're all not allowed to be rich, of course we have to use our talents well and optimize it, but remember to be thankful because all the things we have now is entrusted by God.