Going Home.

One month left.

I don't do any special things on my holiday, it's nice because I don't have to think about anything serious since mom's surgery.

So I just spent my time washing few shoes (which I had been left long ago), but I haven't clean up my room yet.

Anyway, I watched anime movies since I can't bear myself waiting for Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titans) each week.  I will just wait till it ends and watch it later.

So I began watching Bleach movies and it attracted me so much so now I've been looking for the animes.

It didn't stay long because I couldn't access few links and it stopped in the middle.

Anyway it is nice to find this old song.  Going Home by Shiro Sagisu.

The first time I heard it was when I had my..first computer?  My cousin gave a lot of anime OSTs and it's good.

I listen to everything that's good, although I have some singers that I like, but I can listen to everything (it depends on my mood).

And here I am, enjoying my caramel tea while listening to it.  It brings a calm atmosphere and because I had nice memories listening to it, so I feel good while listening to this song.

Mom's birthday is coming and I'm thinking of getting her a cake since I couldn't do it last year.

This year gonna be special because I think it's a grace that mom has gone through a surgery.

I know maybe people think it is nothing because the tumor is not really dangerous, but it will get bigger eventually and could endanger her if we didn't do the surgery.  For me it's like mom has gone through a critical situation, and remembering her condition in the recovery room is quite a nightmare for me.
Can't stand watching your loved ones writhing in pain.

Back to plan getting her a cake, I don't know if I can afford one..

I mean I don't go out during holiday because I feel really comfortable at home (with the computer and internet connection), so I could save quite much.

But sometimes parents really lazy to go to bank and they borrowed my money -___-

I didn't need it right now, and I don't planning to ask them to return it since it's all from them anyways..

But then...again..how I can buy her a cake like this....

Well, her birthday is still weeks away so I think I still have time to make a plan.

I'm currently not in a good mood, feeling dizzy and uncomfy.

I don't have insomnia, I just sleep at times that people normally don't sleep.

I mean I'm awake at night and sleep when the sun rises, I sleep about 6-8hrs (sometimes 12hrs because I fell asleep again after wake up after staying on my bed too long).  It's still normal, isn't it?

Today I woke up because of my loud brother, I don't know if he's feeling happy or something because he sings with his cracked voice and talk loudly.

I yelled him to quiet down between my sleep and he yelled "SORRY" to me just when I was about to sleep.

Suddenly I felt really angry...then I couldn't sleep again. DAMN.

And just now I saw some teens (probably 13-14 yrs) complaining about insomnia....

I don't know much about it but I'm sure insomnia it's not caused by love, like a puppy love.

Just confess it already if you like him/her!

Ah...nevermind...

Things.

"It's late and I'm feeling so tired having...trouble sleeping..." - Trouble Sleeping by Corinne Bailey Rae.

Tidur belum menjemputku..

Operasi ibu suri berjalan baik! (phew....)

Jadi apa yang terjadi dengan ibu suri?

Sekitar 8 bulan yang lalu ibu suri mengeluh karena ada sesuatu yang mengganjal di lehernya.  Lama-lama terlihat benjolan di lehernya sebelah kiri.

Tiroid.

Itu kata saudara dan teman-teman ibu suri.

Walaupun begitu ibu suri tidak mau periksa ke dokter karena dipikirnya mungkin ini timbul hanya karena kelelahan.

Akhir juni yang lalu, ibu suri akhirnya memiliki kesempatan untuk periksa ke dokter.

Akhirnya beliau periksa ke dokter, dan akhirnya setelah diperiksa ternyata ibu suri harus dioperasi untuk mengangkat kelenjar tiroidnya yang membesar itu.

Kerabat bilang kalau tiroid itu ada karena kelelahan, ada yang bilang kelenjar itu membesar karena emosi yang tidak stabil.

Tapi dokter bilang kelenjar ini muncul karena adanya kecenderungan genetik (turunan).

Jadi setelah diperiksa di dokter spesialis tiroid ini, ibu suri direkomendasikan langsung ke dokter onkologi untuk melakukan operasi karena sang dokter spesialis tidak melakukan operasi.

Keesokan harinya saya pun ikut menemani ibu suri bersama babeh untuk konsultasi ke dokter onkologi.

Sebenarnya saya pribadi masih belum mengerti apa yang dialami oleh ibu suri ini.  Dokter pun berusaha menjelaskan kepada kami tentang kelainan ini (dengan sumber yang diambil dari Wikipedia sebagian untuk memperjelas). 

Jadi tiroid ini merupakan kelenjar yang ada di dalam tubuh manusia, tepatnya di daerah leher dan ada dua kelenjar yang berbentuk seperti huruf 'H'.  Kelenjar ini gunanya untuk mengatur fungsi organ-organ lainnya seperti membuat protein, mengatur sensitivitas tubuh terhadap hormon lain, serta mengatur kecepatan tubuh membakar energi.  Jadi yang terjadi pada ibu suri adalah adanya 'hang'(ini kata dokternya loh..) yang membuat salah satu kelenjar ini membelah diri dan membesar sendiri.  Karena ukurannya sudah lebih dari 1cm (tepatnya sekitar 5 cm) maka pengobatan tidak dapat dilakukan dan harus diangkat melalu operasi karena jika dibiarkan akan mengganggu pernapasan dan pencernaan (tidak bisa makan).  Dengan sangat cepat diputuskanlah akan dijalankan operasi pada hari Minggu, 7 Juli 2013 dengan catatan ibu suri harus melakukan tes darah terlebih dahulu untuk menentukan apakah beliau bisa melakukan operasi.

Singkat cerita, hasil tes normal dan ibu suri akan melakukan operasi.  Hari itu merupakan hari yang sangat melelahkan bagi kami karena walaupun kami datang pagi-pagi, ternyata operasi dijalankan cukup terlambat dan ibu suri baru bisa masuk kamar pada sore hari setelah berpuasa penuh (24 jam).  Walaupun ada kekecewaan yang banyak kami alami tapi saya mencoba untuk mengerti dan bersyukur karena dengan segala rintangannya, operasi berhasil dan proses pemulihan ibu suri sejauh ini tampak lancar.

Menggambarkan diri..saya tak bisa gambar... ToT

Dari semua hal yang saya alami sejak hari ini saya mempelajari beberapa hal tentang diri saya.

Pertama, saya adalah seorang (Taurus) yang berhati lembut (atau mungkin itu hanya perasaan saya saja..).  Kebanyakan orang melihat saya sebagai orang yang tomboy, berani, kuat, dsb.  Namun di balik itu semua saya tentu saja memiliki perasaan (kan saya juga manusia :P).  Tak kuat saya menahan air mata saat melihat ibu suri kesakitan ketika baru saja sadar dan keluar dari ruang operasi.  Mungkin semua orang juga akan merasa begitu saat melihat orang yang dicintai sedang berada dalam situasi yang sulit.  

Saat itu juga saya menyadari kalau saya adalah orang yang sangat-sangat pemalu (ini hal yang kedua).  Saya cenderung mengungkapkan rasa sayang saya kepada orang-orang di sekitar saya melalui perbuatan saya.  Misalnya, saya memberikan orang-orang yang saya kasihi makanan yang saya sukai.  Mungkin orang tersebut akan menganggap itu adalah hal yang biasa (atau mungkin menganggap saya pelit karena hanya memberi makanan).  Tapi yang saya pikir adalah, saya sangat menikmati makanan tersebut dan saya ingin orang-orang yang saya berikan makanan tersebut juga merasakan apa yang saya rasakan (misalnya: cokelat).  Jadi sangatlah jarang ketika saya memberi sesuatu tanpa pertimbangan terlebih dahulu karena saya pasti memberikan sesuatu (terutama yang berupa barang) ketika saya benar-benar mengetahui apa yang orang itu butuh/inginkan.  Kemaluan(?) ini pun tampaknya membawa dampak yang positif dan negatif buat saya karena saya cenderung menjadi anak yang baik (tidak terlalu ingin macam-macam *mungkin...) dan juga membawa dampak negatif karena saya cenderung sangat sulit bersosialisasi (sehingga teman-teman awalnya menganggap saya ini galak/sombong/jutek).

Hal ketiga dan juga menyambung dengan hal yang pertama.  Selain berhati lembut ternyata saya juga adalah orang yang lemah.  Terbukti saya langsung merinding ketika melihat ada pasien-pasien yang dibawa ke ruang operasi.  Entahlah imajinasi yang terlalu dahsyat atau memang saya terlalu penakut.  Saya pun masih suka geli ketika melihat ada selang yang menyambung dari leher ibu suri ke sebuah tempat seperti pompa dan berisi darah.  Sangat..sangat...ngeri...

Sebenarnya ada beberapa hal lagi yang saya pelajari tentang diri saya lebih lagi.  Yang kadang membuat saya sedikit takut dengan segala sesuatu yang harus dihadapi oleh manusia di dalam kehidupannya.  Namun yasudahlah, mungkin semuanya itu terlihat menakutkan karena memang belum saya jalani dan saya belum memiliki kapabilitas untuk hal-hal tersebut saat ini.  Well...  Semoga ibu suri bisa segera pulih!

 Sumber : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thyroid

 

Money = Happiness

Bangun pagi hanya untuk menikmati langit pagi. :)

Orang bilang uang tidak akan bisa membeli kebahagiaan, tapi ada juga yang bilang lebih baik

sedih menangis di rumah mewah daripada sedih ditambah gak punya uang.

Saya pernah berpikir kalau uang memang bisa kita gunakan untuk membeli waktu, contohnya?

Ya lihat saja barang-barang seperti ponsel, mobil, dan barang elektronik lainnya.  Semuanya itu pada dasarnya untuk mempermudah dan mempercepat segala pekerjaan manusia.  Adanya ponsel membuat kita lebih mudah untuk menyampaikan berita ke orang lain yang tidak berada di tempat yang sama dengan kita.  Begitu juga dengan mobil atau alat transportasi lain, semuanya ada untuk mempersingkat dan mempermudah kehidupan manusia sehari-hari.

Tapi tampaknya pandangan saya bahwa uang = waktu ini perlu dirubah sekarang.  Ada peristiwa yang cukup membuat saya jadi gak enak makan dan bahkan cukup menghilangkan semangat yang sedang saya hadapi.  Kali ini uang tidak bisa membeli waktu (bisa sih) karena saat ini juga kami harus berlomba dengan waktu......(atau mungkin bisa dibilang kita butuh TIMING yang tepat).  Semuanya terasa terlalu cepat dan meragukan, tapi kalau terlalu lama berpikir kami bisa kehilangan kesempatan.  Belum selesai perjuangan, tapi bisa bersyukur karena semua tersedia (dan akan tersedia) serta tepat pada waktunya.

Dan masih harus percaya bahwa pada akhirnya semua akan mendatangkan kebaikan.

IT ENDS TONIGHT

Currently in love with Root Beer

Fourth semester is going to end soon.

Saturday 11st is my last class and I decided to skip it because I have something important to do.

There're many things happened during this fourth semester.

There's good and bad memories because this semester we have to work our assignments mostly in a group.

Of course we're from different family with different culture.

Sometimes it doesn't match each other and create a miscommunication.

I believe we all do want to have a nice teamwork and give our best to finish the assignments given.

But I do want to apologize to all of my friends for wrong things I've done especially for my group-mates.

I realize sometimes my joke is too much and hurt other's feelings.

Sometimes I demand too much and troubling the others.

I feel it's quite hard for me to approach some of my friends to clear all the things.

Maybe it's just me who think too much or being emotional.

I can't just approach them to tell my true feelings and sort it out because I'm afraid they will misunderstand and gets angrier.

I thought I'm all okay.

I thought I don't have anyone who doesn't like me.

But I was wrong and that's why I apologize here.

I'm a coward to approach them.

But I do feels sorry and I will try to think more carefully before I act and talk.

And thank you for your hard works, thank you for keep standing with me till the end so that we can finish our works.

I'm sorry if I didn't do much on certain parts because I know I'm not capable doing it.

There are good memories about team works I've done with my friends.

Like when we have to stay late to do our work.  I thank you for your commitments.

The best memories is when we're at BiElDi to do our assignments, it was raining and we decided to go home and continue it later.

You my friend who brings another bike, we had nice teamwork to help each other.

It was a good memories and I hope we can build a nice relationship for the future.

I don't mind if you come to me and tell me that there's something about me that troubling you.

I'm still learning too~

I realize that sometimes I nag too much because I think I'm a perfectionist in certain area.

And I do realize that sometimes it becomes really annoying.

I also can't improvise with impromptu plans because I have reasons :

• My house is quite far from the campus.
• The traffic is really random, sometimes it can be jams everywhere but I really try to be on time. That's why I need minimal 2 hours prior notice if you ask me to come. I spend minimal 45 minutes to reach the campus with normal traffic.
• I'm currently working somewhere voluntarily and usually I always prioritize what I've promised to do.

That's why sometimes I ask too much about places and time because I (feel) that I have limited time.

Also I do appreciate for those who come on time because I try to do the same to you.

Coming on time means that you really appreciate me and my time.

So thank you for those who kept coming on time and those who gave me prior notice with reasonable  reasons if they're going to be late.

Once again, thank you and I'm sorry for all the wrong things I've done.  Thank you very much.

Well, recently I'm thinking about my future.

Time flies fast that now I'm about to have my 5th semester (well, of course there's still about 3 months holiday).

I think I'm not ready for the future.

It's mainly because I keep thinking about it too much.

What's on my mind currently is about... death.

The thought that someday your parents will leave you.

I thought that I will never be able to be independent and it makes me sad about it.

So I guess I will try to love my parents more through my actions towards them.

I'm currently listening to I'm in Love by Narsha.

I'm not falling in love tough.  (Well, I am falling in love with ROOT BEERS!)

The song is really nice to be played when you're working on your assignments or just chilling out.

I thank God for everything.

He guides me so I can reach my home safely.

I can do good things because of Him.

But blame me if I do something bad because it means that I start leaving Him.

Final Exams!

God speed!

Happy birthday to me!
Yea...
I don't know what's so special about my birthday.
Actually I feel awkward when people congratulate me.
But I feel really thankful for the prayers and wishes.

On my birthday, of course I thank God for His guidance.
He protects me everywhere I go.
But I don't want to ask for things I want because I'm a human.
My brain is limited, but He really knows what's best for me.

So I will just continue my life and let Him be the Captain and lead me on.

Twenty years old.
More works to do.
More responsibility.
Le sigh.

Well, smile! :)

LoL! Lesson of Life?

Yes, I'm running from my papers.

The mid semester ends today!

It ended on Friday 22nd for me though. Yohoo!

I'm planning to go out with my two KARET this Monday and I have just realized that I have many papers to do. *sigh*

On Sunday I've promised one of my friend to go to an event, but I came home late and there's no much time to get ready and go because my house is quite far away, so I cancelled it and just sleep because Sunday is just too tiring for me.

I woke up at about 23.00 and checked my phone, and there was a message from my friend telling me to do a part of our group project and swoosh!  I remember every paper I have to do.

And now I had read few but my worksheet is still blank....

Anyway, I'm going to write about some of my thoughts.

It's not wrong to listen to parents' words because first, they're older than you and wiser.

Second, they had so much experience and they mostly know how to handle certain situation, they know how to solve certain problem they've experienced.

Third, they know you since you're born.  They know all about you although they can't know what exactly you're thinking but they can guess it and it's right sometimes.

But...

Should I listen to someone who nags constantly?

a man tells a blind to go few steps forward. will the blind do what the man tell if he knows that the man close his eyes because he doesn't want to see?
a child tells his parents how to fix the car.will the father do as his child says to fix their broken car?

What I'm thinking is..
How can you listen to someone that tell you to do this and don't do that but the person itself keep doing that and doesn't want to do this.
For example if someone tells you not to smoke but he keeps smoking, isn't it just weird?
Maybe we will say that smoking is personal choice, it's okay.  Maybe that someone just don't want the other suffer like itself because he can't stop smoking and his health is getting worse.
But what if we get advice from someone in our life, like making an important decision that we can't know the risks yet.
Like a man tells a blind to go forward but he himself doesn't want to see what's in front of him and close his eyes.
Why the blind man has to believe the man who doesn't want to see?
Of course the blind will ask advice from someone who opens their eyes and know what's in front of him.

Then for me, I will listen advices from everyone, but I will choose what I will do by myself.
Can you believe someone's advice that doesn't really know you?
I mean they only talk what they know without knowing what you're facing now, it's rather hard to be done.
Like a child who tells his parents how to fix the car, maybe his father will find something true from what the child says, but the child is still young, he doesn't know anything about car and machinery.
So I can say his father will listen what his children says, but won't do as he says because he knows more than his little child.

We have to be humble and listen to people's advice, moreover from parents' but actually it's our right to decide.
And of course we have to be responsible for everything we have decide.

I did take a side because of one big problem.
And now my view changed because of something had happened.
And I think what I did is right, because I can see what I've been struggling for is not worth it.
I took side with him, but he didn't show any effort to solve the problem.
I better waste my time, my energy for someone who's really struggling now.

Making commitment is easy, but hard to keep.I'm keeping my promise , I want to stay faithful.Cause I know that someday I will be noticed if I keep doing it.And I hope I can get what I deserve.

March please be nice!

It's March already and I had already miss one of my resolutions.

I'm not used to doing strict daily rountine.  I sleep whenever I feel sleepy, I eat whenever I want, etc.

I'm so strict to myself (and of course I'm lazy), I want everything to be perfect but if there's something wrong in the middle, I will lose hope and stop doing it because I can't make it perfect.

One more days until my favorite singer's birthday! :)
It's tomorrow!  The ninth!

Wish I can meet her someday personally and listen to her sing.

So I keep listening boys around me cussing and sometimes I'm not used to it.

I used to be in a community where they rarely using rude words, of course it affected me much.

They helped me to stop cursing, but as I become a student there're so many people and of course some of them really like cursing or use rude words to end their sentence.

And being unstable, of course I have to admit now that it's affecting me..quite much.

Then I think, it's not only to be used as my excuse to curse but..

A sword is dangerous, why?  Because it can be used to hurt people, to stab and kill people.

But a fruit knife or any other knife that our mom usually use to process foods in the kitchen can also be used to hurt people too.

What I mean is, there're rude words and good words.  It only show us how educated people.

A well educated man will speak carefully, and who uses bad words is the opposite.

But then how about ugly?
It can hurt people's feeling to.

So I think it's not the words that good or bad, it's us..the one who used it.
As long we have good intentions, I think there won't be any problems.
Well, that's just my opinion.

Actually I wanted to post this on 1st March, but I was too sleepy and didn't push the publish button instead saving it =.=a

Now I feel sleepy too, but I really going to post it!
Yesterday there're much things happened and it somehow chang my perceptions towards few things.
What I really want now is a humble heart.
I know I'm being too proud now, but now I realized..
Being prideful is like building a high tower for yourself using empty cardboard, the more arrogant you are, the higher tower you build.
And of course, it will be harder when you fall because you build it using empty cardboard, strong wind can blow anytime and that will be the one that make you fall.

Having a quite complicated problem now, and I guess I already knew the answer.
But of course, because it's complicated it means that there're a lot things to consider.
It makes me (and the other people) confused because it involves our interests.
May we be wise enought to decide, DMP is hard!